A Lot More About Me

I am eclectic by nature and nonetheless, a seemingly bohemian girl trapped in a state where conventions fuck everyone. I dream of living in a street of city lights and boisterous neighbors who can skate with me at midnight.  However, my real life is staying at home reading books watching movies that lead me from thinking I am those main characters and my life is so freaking exciting like theirs. Like my favorite poet Rimbaud, I dream at an early age of travelling from one city to another on my own and drinking absinthe just for the heck of it. Too bad though, I am allergic to alcohol. On a side note, I am an escape from 1900s and now, I am living in the tedious century of technology and of kids whining because of the most trivial stuffs. Oh, come on, like I do not complain too.

Often, I loathe complying in the requirements of my appalling academic life, and I think if only I can surrender and be a cancan dancer at Montmatre or a geisha at Kyoto instead. But anyway, I am a frustrated writer too, who wish had the talent of Gabriel Garcia Marquez or the brilliance of Jorge Luis Borges; however, I completely suck. Maybe I could be in the field of cinema as a replacement? And be the next Christopher Nolan or Quentin Tarantino. Oh, of course I kid, it is just that I am heavily influenced by Salvador Dali’s surrealism and I often forgot the boundary between reality and dream.

My ideology is profoundly influenced by the viral phenomenon of Marxism, Feminism, Zen Perspective and quite tainted by Nietzchean Existentialism. I was also enthused by the Lutherian Movement against the Roman Catholic Church for some reasons. Thus, I usually express dissent against oppression, especially against the coercion of the nasty capitalists, filthy chauvinist and the debauched preachers. They are making this world a havoc of subjugation. Prejudices and stereotypes are also some of the things I abhor. Imagine, starting cyclical wars just because of the variation of skin colors. Duh.

My personality is eccentric although I laugh a lot. I tend to be an anti-social sometimes but one of the happiest moments in my life is being with my friends and loved ones. Oh, this is so banal. Anyway, I am too mild-tempered and I rarely get angry. I do not waste my time being mad on people because I am too understanding like that. And lastly, I do not know how right this is, but I always try to be fair to everyone. I believe that is one of my ways promoting equality although I never believed that this world will be completely equal. How contradicting, eh? No, I am just being a realist regarding this society, but that does not mean I shall contribute to its squalor.

In my earlier years I like hitting drums and strumming my guitar, but two years ago I gave up my unfavorable career of being the next Joan Jett. I used to hit the dance floor too and performing arts has been my passion when I was younger. I was interested on being a soldier too, well, like Mulan. But my parents never allowed me to enter a military school. Anyway, I am a typical eighteen year old who loves to eat a lot of chocolates, nachos with cheese and beef, crepes with Nutella, French macaroons and popcorn in barbecue flavor. I also chill a lot almost anywhere with the help of coffee.

On a lighter aspect, like any other girls who adore Audrey Hepburn, I like make-up and dresses too. I doll up not to impress other people but for the sake of my own self-esteem and I am that egotistical. I like plain black or gray or white loose tops, polo and shorts to go along with my wedges and flats. I am smitten on accessories too, but cross necklaces and bow rings are my loves. For make-ups and all, life will be more difficult without foundation and eyeliner. Contact lens are my friends too since I really have a poor vision.

I am a self-proclaimed hopeless romantic in the context of the earlier period, like the period wherein Florentino Ariza or Christian or Mr. Darcy or Ricardo Simocurcio resides. Few months ago I was jaded and found it hard to believe that love is a many-things splendor. Thus, I’m sticking to Rimbaud’s idea of love, “Love doesn’t exist. Self interest exists, attachment based on personal gain exists, complaisancy exists. But not love. Love has to be reinvented”.

Oh well, so much for too much talking about myself, I shall sleep now. I am so hate-able for being too self-centered. Pardon my tongue and my egocentric mind. Hasta la vista baby!

"Like the murmuring of waves in a faraway sea or perhaps grieving thoughts, struggling to be heard. This feeling, I haven’t felt this for a long time. My hands are unshackled and my feet, bare and free. I run like a child in the velvety grass as I felt the wind caressing my face and the breeze embracing me while my hair spreads in the air. As an escapist as I might be, I would be willing to run forever, away from the talons of this system I can never annihilate. A solitary heart imprisoned in a foreign land, I wish I could set forth in the clouds and float inside an ethereal bubble as if nothing else matters." (De Jesus, 2010)